Those things life throws at you and sometimes you don’t know how to react. Yeah, they suck. Life moves on. People move on. Things get in your way. You jump, hop, run, walk, whatever your choice of moving on may be, but you continue to go forward. Onward.
Life doesn’t stop because you’re having a bad day or something didn’t go the way you planned, it keeps going. It doesn’t wait for you, it doesn’t give you the benefit of the doubt and it sure as hell doesn’t give you the upper hand. It moves on and on and soon enough, you’re over that curveball. It’s in the past, it’s a fragment of your memory and it’s gone. Maybe you grew from it, maybe you didn’t, but you overcame it and to me, that’s all that matters.
When I’m having a problem in my life, I pray to my mom. It’s one of those things; I’ve been doing since I was 13-years-old. Till this day, I struggle with why she passed away. Why did this happen to her? To my family? Why did she have cancer? Why would God do this? After she passed away, I kept telling myself I wanted some sort of sign (something that wouldn’t startle me though. :) ). Whether it was a light flicker, a vivid dream or somehow, someway seeing her. I wasn’t picky, but I wanted something, anything. I begged, I pleaded and I prayed.
Although I haven’t had a vivid dream where she comes out of the sky and gives me an answer to my problem, I have gotten signs. Rays of sunshine piercing through the sky, finding peace of mind in the uncertainty of life’s problems and when "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong unexpectedly plays at times I need to hear it the most - those are the signs. Those are the little moments in time I know she's there.
When I say she was a firecracker, she was more than that. She was my light, my love and the only person in my life I can’t replace. I can replace my bedspread, my car, long lost friends, but I can’t replace my mom. As much as I try, I can’t.
As the years have passed since her death, I have learned to embrace the celebration of life and to live my life for my mom. I’ve learned to choose happiness over sadness; to realize bad times pass and to know that she’s always with me, even when I feel like she couldn't be farther away. Curveballs come and go, but I believe my mom is the one truly guiding me to exactly where I need to be.
As cliché as it may be, I believe ‘everything happens for a reason’ and I live by that every day. Surrounding myself with good friends, my family, laughter and positivity helps get me through those rough times.
Life goes on, it moves forward and it sure as hell doesn’t give you a pass. Those curveballs life throws at you? Those are the moments in time that define you. They give you strength, power, control, happiness, sadness, but life moves on and they’re over. Gone. Don’t let those moments break you. Grow from them, embrace them, but don’t let them break you.